Cinnamon Popcorn:
1 c. Sugar
4 Tbsp. Cinnamon
1/2 stick of butter
Next you are going to bake the popcorn at 325 so that the cinnamon glaze forms a "candied coating" on the popcorn.
Then you have a super easy, delicious snack! Enjoy!
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Cinnamon Popcorn
I would like to introduce you to my first ever, How To/DIY blog post!! This is a recipe that I have played with and perfected over the last couple years and now it is one of my favorite snacks!!
Cinnamon Popcorn:
Light Butter or Plain White Popcorn (1 bag)
1 c. Sugar
4 Tbsp. Cinnamon
1/2 stick of butter
Melt all ingredients together over low heat until they are blended well. At this point you will want to pop your popcorn so that it is hot when the glaze is ready.
Once you have a well-blended, cinnamon-sugar glaze, you are going to pour it over your popcorn. While the glaze and popcorn are both hot, in a separate mixing bowl, pour it over your popcorn while stirring the popcorn slowly. Once the popcorn is evenly coated, spread it on to a buttered cookie sheet.
Cinnamon Popcorn:
1 c. Sugar
4 Tbsp. Cinnamon
1/2 stick of butter
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Transitions
Transitions are always hard. A time of transition normally means leaving something behind and taking on something new. Some transitions are exciting and some are disappointing but most of the time you are filled with mixed emotions and it is usually hard to sort through everything you are feeling.
My most recent transition has been an exciting one. I was able to close a chapter in my life and move on to something new. Many, many times over the past year I found myself asking "Why?" and through this transition God revealed the answer to some of those questions. It's usually in those times of doubt that God will show up and prove Himself faithful once again.
One of my favorite verses is found in Lamentations:
The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
-Lamentations 3:22-23
This is such a great reminder that every time we sin, stumble and fall God is right there with His forever faithfulness and His mercy that is brand new every single day. God is faithful. There is nothing else to it. That is a characteristic of His that he cannot deny. No matter what. How can I ever doubt Him?
This past season in my life has often been described as desolate. I felt like I was in desert, physically and spiritually. It was definitely a season in the wilderness. God even then provided me with everything I needed and blessed me with so many things that I didn't even recognize at the time. Even though I felt like I had been forsaken, I hadn't. And even though I felt like giving up, I still prayed and cried out to God everyday. And He brought me out of it in His perfect timing. As my time in the desert was ending and I was making my transition to the valley, God gave me a verse in Isaiah that spoke to me so loudly:
It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,”
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”;But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”
And they will call them, “The holy people,
The redeemed of the Lord”;
And you will be called, “Sought out, a city not forsaken.”
-Isaiah 62:4,12
There it is, His faithfulness once again. Always. And I still doubt Him sometimes but when I'm reminded of times like these, it increases my faith that much more.
When you place the pen of your life into the hand of God and allow Him to write your story, it will be so much more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.
My most recent transition has been an exciting one. I was able to close a chapter in my life and move on to something new. Many, many times over the past year I found myself asking "Why?" and through this transition God revealed the answer to some of those questions. It's usually in those times of doubt that God will show up and prove Himself faithful once again.
One of my favorite verses is found in Lamentations:
The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
-Lamentations 3:22-23
This is such a great reminder that every time we sin, stumble and fall God is right there with His forever faithfulness and His mercy that is brand new every single day. God is faithful. There is nothing else to it. That is a characteristic of His that he cannot deny. No matter what. How can I ever doubt Him?
This past season in my life has often been described as desolate. I felt like I was in desert, physically and spiritually. It was definitely a season in the wilderness. God even then provided me with everything I needed and blessed me with so many things that I didn't even recognize at the time. Even though I felt like I had been forsaken, I hadn't. And even though I felt like giving up, I still prayed and cried out to God everyday. And He brought me out of it in His perfect timing. As my time in the desert was ending and I was making my transition to the valley, God gave me a verse in Isaiah that spoke to me so loudly:
It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,”
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”;But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”
And they will call them, “The holy people,
The redeemed of the Lord”;
And you will be called, “Sought out, a city not forsaken.”
-Isaiah 62:4,12
There it is, His faithfulness once again. Always. And I still doubt Him sometimes but when I'm reminded of times like these, it increases my faith that much more.
When you place the pen of your life into the hand of God and allow Him to write your story, it will be so much more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
It's not good...
I had a very different upbringing than most of the kids I hung around when I was growing up. Somehow that always stood out to them and gave them a reason to make fun of me. I remember when I was really young, I was made fun of by a particular group of friends quite often. I don't know that I ever expressed that it hurt me. I don't ever remember crying about it or even telling anyone about it. As I got older, it never really stopped and I developed this idea in my head that emotions were a sign of weakness and I never wanted to appear weak to anyone, ever. I decided that if I never showed any emotion then I looked like the "tough guy" and nothing bothered me. The more I acted like nothing bothered me, the more I would get ridiculed, the more I would push my emotions aside and the more I appeared like a cold person who didn't care about anything.
God has been revealing this to me in the past year as I have continued to struggle in this area with people around me. It has become this vicious cycle of reacting to rejection by pretending it does not bother me, acting like nothing effects me which I think a lot of the time causes an even worse scenario because people are just trying to get a rise out of me so they push more and more.
As I have looked back over the years, this has followed me around everywhere I go, ever since I was in middle school and it only seems to get worse. I never wanted to let anyone know that I need help, I didn't want anyone to know that they hurt me, I always had the attitude of "I'm a big girl, I can do this on my own, I don't need any help." Obviously this attitude has taken me nowhere in my social life.
Not only does this effect the people around me but it also effects my relationship with God. Our God is a relational God and we were created in His image, therefore He created us to be relational. We were created to need Him, depend on Him, love Him and serve Him. A lot of times I have addressed issues in my life with an attitude of, "I will stop doing X right now and just pray or read my Bible when I'm tempted to do it again." God wants us to go to Him, lay our burdens down and ask Him to give us His peace and strength to face any and all situations.
Cast your burden on the Lord,
and He will sustain you;He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
-Psalms 55:22
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10
If we allow Christ to work in our weaknesses and give us strength to face our situations, His glory will shine through that and we will be a testimony of His power and grace--and that is how he uses us to reach out to others.
God also created us to walk through life with others. To lean on each other when we are struggling, ask for help when pain is too much to bear and encourage others when they are going through their own struggles. This has become another downfall of mine--"I don't need anyone's help and no one should need my help." The Holy Spirit has been convicting me of this so much in the past few months and it is such a hard thing for me to face.
Almost four years ago I walked away from a romantic relationship that was hurting me more than it was helping me. God had finally won the 3 year battle I had with Him and I dropped everything and re-committed my life to Him. For about a year and a half after that, I was pretty depressed about the whole thing. I knew I was doing the right thing but it still hurt. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, I didn't want anyone to help me, I just wanted to be alone. Do you think I'm a bit stubborn? I was determined to get over it on my own, no matter how many nights I cried myself to sleep or how often I sat alone somewhere feeling lonely and depressed. I got to the point where being alone was a comfort for me. I would rather be alone anywhere than having to share my thoughts, feelings and opinions with others. Over this past year, I have not reached out as much as I when I was DFW, I have slowly been holding myself back from people more and more. And the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of these things little by little, the way He does until today. The message at church this morning was titled: "Not Alone". The pastor read this scripture-
Obviously God does not want us to walk through this life alone. We were created with a longing to be connected to others. And no matter how much I try to ignore that, He always wins. I am so glad that I serve a gracious God who continues to work in me because I am a sinner who continually needs saving!
God has been revealing this to me in the past year as I have continued to struggle in this area with people around me. It has become this vicious cycle of reacting to rejection by pretending it does not bother me, acting like nothing effects me which I think a lot of the time causes an even worse scenario because people are just trying to get a rise out of me so they push more and more.
As I have looked back over the years, this has followed me around everywhere I go, ever since I was in middle school and it only seems to get worse. I never wanted to let anyone know that I need help, I didn't want anyone to know that they hurt me, I always had the attitude of "I'm a big girl, I can do this on my own, I don't need any help." Obviously this attitude has taken me nowhere in my social life.
Not only does this effect the people around me but it also effects my relationship with God. Our God is a relational God and we were created in His image, therefore He created us to be relational. We were created to need Him, depend on Him, love Him and serve Him. A lot of times I have addressed issues in my life with an attitude of, "I will stop doing X right now and just pray or read my Bible when I'm tempted to do it again." God wants us to go to Him, lay our burdens down and ask Him to give us His peace and strength to face any and all situations.
Cast your burden on the Lord,
and He will sustain you;He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
-Psalms 55:22
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10
If we allow Christ to work in our weaknesses and give us strength to face our situations, His glory will shine through that and we will be a testimony of His power and grace--and that is how he uses us to reach out to others.
God also created us to walk through life with others. To lean on each other when we are struggling, ask for help when pain is too much to bear and encourage others when they are going through their own struggles. This has become another downfall of mine--"I don't need anyone's help and no one should need my help." The Holy Spirit has been convicting me of this so much in the past few months and it is such a hard thing for me to face.
Almost four years ago I walked away from a romantic relationship that was hurting me more than it was helping me. God had finally won the 3 year battle I had with Him and I dropped everything and re-committed my life to Him. For about a year and a half after that, I was pretty depressed about the whole thing. I knew I was doing the right thing but it still hurt. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, I didn't want anyone to help me, I just wanted to be alone. Do you think I'm a bit stubborn? I was determined to get over it on my own, no matter how many nights I cried myself to sleep or how often I sat alone somewhere feeling lonely and depressed. I got to the point where being alone was a comfort for me. I would rather be alone anywhere than having to share my thoughts, feelings and opinions with others. Over this past year, I have not reached out as much as I when I was DFW, I have slowly been holding myself back from people more and more. And the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of these things little by little, the way He does until today. The message at church this morning was titled: "Not Alone". The pastor read this scripture-
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.” -Genesis 2:18
As God was creating everything He always said "it is good". Everything He created was good, until He realized Adam was alone, then He said "It is not good..." God knows it's not good for us to be alone, to go through life alone. It's not good. We were created to be in relationship with others.
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. -Acts 2:42, 46&47As God was creating everything He always said "it is good". Everything He created was good, until He realized Adam was alone, then He said "It is not good..." God knows it's not good for us to be alone, to go through life alone. It's not good. We were created to be in relationship with others.
Obviously God does not want us to walk through this life alone. We were created with a longing to be connected to others. And no matter how much I try to ignore that, He always wins. I am so glad that I serve a gracious God who continues to work in me because I am a sinner who continually needs saving!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
The fiery furnace
I've been struggling a lot with hopelessness. It's hard for me to look at my circumstances and see God working or trust that He will bring me out of this. Sometimes it feels like it keeps getting harder and harder. People keep saying, "It's going to get worse before it gets better." Well it just keeps getting worse and I'm wondering where the "better" is. There have been days where it seems like I was able to take one baby step forward and for a little while I have a sense of hope. And then the next day it feels as though I just fell 3 huge steps backward. I keep reminding myself of the things God HAS brought me out of and all the ways He HAS delivered me, sometimes that's all I have to hold on to-- the truth of who He is.
The other day I went for a run and as I was listening to my music, the Holy Spirit reminded me of a story in Daniel 3. The story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Basically the king made this huge golden image and told all the people that when the music plays, they must all bow down and worship this image. Shad, Mesh and Abed (nicknames I gave them) refused to worship the idol of course because they served the one true God. The king gave them one more chance and when they still wouldn't bow down he became so mad that he threw them in a huge furnace. As soon as the guards threw them in the fire, the king jumped up and saw not 3 but 4 men in the fire!! Who was the fourth man? The one true God-- who walks through our trials with us and delivers us from the hands of the wicked.
I've heard this story several times but when I went back and read it God simply said, "I'm in the fire with you." Here I am whining about my circumstances while Jesus is sitting in the middle of it with me and at the same time working through the situations to reveal His glory. Back to the story...once the king realized that there were 4 men in the fire, he called all of them out and the fire had not harmed them nor their clothes! Immediately the king commanded that everyone worship the King of kings-- the God of Shad, Mesh and Abed.
We can't see the big picture and we have no idea what God is doing. But He is always doing something great and no matter how hard things get and even when it seems like things are heading downhill and fast--that's usually right when God is about to perform a miracle and reveal something that we could've never thought possible!!
The other day I went for a run and as I was listening to my music, the Holy Spirit reminded me of a story in Daniel 3. The story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Basically the king made this huge golden image and told all the people that when the music plays, they must all bow down and worship this image. Shad, Mesh and Abed (nicknames I gave them) refused to worship the idol of course because they served the one true God. The king gave them one more chance and when they still wouldn't bow down he became so mad that he threw them in a huge furnace. As soon as the guards threw them in the fire, the king jumped up and saw not 3 but 4 men in the fire!! Who was the fourth man? The one true God-- who walks through our trials with us and delivers us from the hands of the wicked.
I've heard this story several times but when I went back and read it God simply said, "I'm in the fire with you." Here I am whining about my circumstances while Jesus is sitting in the middle of it with me and at the same time working through the situations to reveal His glory. Back to the story...once the king realized that there were 4 men in the fire, he called all of them out and the fire had not harmed them nor their clothes! Immediately the king commanded that everyone worship the King of kings-- the God of Shad, Mesh and Abed.
We can't see the big picture and we have no idea what God is doing. But He is always doing something great and no matter how hard things get and even when it seems like things are heading downhill and fast--that's usually right when God is about to perform a miracle and reveal something that we could've never thought possible!!
"Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the province of Babylon."
-Daniel 3:30
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
My Healer
Most of you know, I had the opportunity to go to a women's conference at Gateway Church last week. Let me just tell you, it was AMAZING!! I went to conference expectant and so ready for God to do whatever He wanted in me and my life and I came back with 10 times that!! This season of my life has been a very dry, desert season and it has been hard to keep my head up and my faith strong. To be honest, there were a few times where I just broke down because I couldn't stay strong, but He is always faithful!!
In addition to the powerful worship, amazing speakers and the encouraging testimonies, we had a time of freedom ministry. They gave us some time to go and receive freedom and healing in any area that was in bondage and needed to be released. After some prompting from the Holy Spirit, I finally went to "healing rooms" as they call them. I signed up and they sent me to a "soaking room" where they had worship and communion while we waited to speak with a pastor. As I sat in the corner, writing and praying, a lady came over and laid her hand on me and quietly asked if she could pray for me. I said yes and she began to pray a generic prayer of blessing and encouragement. Then, all of the sudden she began to pray out loud the very words I have been praying for months! As she laid her hands on me I just started crying and she began to pray harder. I couldn't believe that she was praying the exact things that were in my mind and on my heat! Once she was done I thought, "I don't need freedom anymore". (Not really!) Shortly after that my name was called and I walked down the hall with one of the freedom pastors, she took me to quiet room and we sat down across from each other and she asked me what area I needed healing in. As I gave her a very simple and surface answer, she looked at me and began to ask me questions. As she asked me a few simple questions, I could see things beginning to surface. Things I didn't even know were issues. As God began to root out the things that were keeping me from being completely healed, I felt completely exposed to this lady sitting across from me. I felt like I had just laid my whole mess of a life in front of her and she could see it all sitting there in broad day light. Let me tell you right now, I don't like that feeling. I don't like to let anyone know my weakness or short comings. I would prefer to put on a front and appear "put together" on the outside but as the Bible says:
"For nothing is concealed that won’t be revealed, and nothing hidden that won’t be made known and come to light." -Luke 8:17
and God seems to constantly be reminding me of that. As these things began to be exposed, God brought some particular memories to mind. He reminded me of all the times I had been criticized and rejected by others. He reminded me of times even when I was very young and I would get made fun for little reasons but I always took everything that was said about me as truth. I don't ever remember being upset about it or crying over it or letting it get to the point where I would get angry. I always just received everything as truth and started to believe those things about myself. As I got older, obviously I had a warped self-image and it effected my relationships especially with my family. I began to compare myself to everyone around me and I always seemed to fall short of the standards or expectations that I put on myself. I began to believe that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, tall enough, nice enough or strong enough. All of these things built up inside me head and as things would happen and I would get a bad grade or have to retake a class or someone decided they didn't want to be my friend, I could always trace it back to some area where I didn't measure up. Let me tell you, that is how the enemy lies to us! I guess I went on with this twisted way of thinking about myself and as I got into college, the criticism and rejection didn't come from others as much as it came from myself!!
Once I was able to get those things out and lay them down, God completely healed me from them...just like that!! How crazy that the things the devil takes YEARS to build up inside of us, Jesus can heal in a few minutes.
God is our healer and if you allow Him, He will heal you from ALL your hurts and pain whether it's emotional or mental or physical or whatever it may be!
In addition to the powerful worship, amazing speakers and the encouraging testimonies, we had a time of freedom ministry. They gave us some time to go and receive freedom and healing in any area that was in bondage and needed to be released. After some prompting from the Holy Spirit, I finally went to "healing rooms" as they call them. I signed up and they sent me to a "soaking room" where they had worship and communion while we waited to speak with a pastor. As I sat in the corner, writing and praying, a lady came over and laid her hand on me and quietly asked if she could pray for me. I said yes and she began to pray a generic prayer of blessing and encouragement. Then, all of the sudden she began to pray out loud the very words I have been praying for months! As she laid her hands on me I just started crying and she began to pray harder. I couldn't believe that she was praying the exact things that were in my mind and on my heat! Once she was done I thought, "I don't need freedom anymore". (Not really!) Shortly after that my name was called and I walked down the hall with one of the freedom pastors, she took me to quiet room and we sat down across from each other and she asked me what area I needed healing in. As I gave her a very simple and surface answer, she looked at me and began to ask me questions. As she asked me a few simple questions, I could see things beginning to surface. Things I didn't even know were issues. As God began to root out the things that were keeping me from being completely healed, I felt completely exposed to this lady sitting across from me. I felt like I had just laid my whole mess of a life in front of her and she could see it all sitting there in broad day light. Let me tell you right now, I don't like that feeling. I don't like to let anyone know my weakness or short comings. I would prefer to put on a front and appear "put together" on the outside but as the Bible says:
"For nothing is concealed that won’t be revealed, and nothing hidden that won’t be made known and come to light." -Luke 8:17
and God seems to constantly be reminding me of that. As these things began to be exposed, God brought some particular memories to mind. He reminded me of all the times I had been criticized and rejected by others. He reminded me of times even when I was very young and I would get made fun for little reasons but I always took everything that was said about me as truth. I don't ever remember being upset about it or crying over it or letting it get to the point where I would get angry. I always just received everything as truth and started to believe those things about myself. As I got older, obviously I had a warped self-image and it effected my relationships especially with my family. I began to compare myself to everyone around me and I always seemed to fall short of the standards or expectations that I put on myself. I began to believe that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, tall enough, nice enough or strong enough. All of these things built up inside me head and as things would happen and I would get a bad grade or have to retake a class or someone decided they didn't want to be my friend, I could always trace it back to some area where I didn't measure up. Let me tell you, that is how the enemy lies to us! I guess I went on with this twisted way of thinking about myself and as I got into college, the criticism and rejection didn't come from others as much as it came from myself!!
Once I was able to get those things out and lay them down, God completely healed me from them...just like that!! How crazy that the things the devil takes YEARS to build up inside of us, Jesus can heal in a few minutes.
God is our healer and if you allow Him, He will heal you from ALL your hurts and pain whether it's emotional or mental or physical or whatever it may be!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Significance of Saturday
Easter is one of my favorite times of the year. When I was younger I LOVED decorating eggs and receiving candy and goodies in my basket. It was another holiday where I got gifts other than Christmas and my birthday!
As I got older, I began to discover the personal meaning of Easter to me and what the significance of this beautiful weekend is. The day that Jesus completely surrendered himself to be beaten and killed for our sin. He became human so he could live and walk on this earth to go through the things we go through so that we can have eternal life through salvation. What an amazing God we serve!
In Matthew we read about when Jesus went to the garden to pray,
He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.
-Matthew 26:39
He was obviously struggling with what was to come and did not want to go through what he knew would be an awful, painful crucifixion. But He did it anyway, He was obedient to His father and went forward in faith.
One of my favorite songs right now is "Beautiful, Scandalous Night" and the chorus says this:
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious treeOn that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
We're atoned by His blood and forever washed whiteOn that beautiful, scandalous night
THAT is what Easter is all about, and that is why Easter is my favorite time of the year.
On Good Friday we remember the Last Supper and the act of Jesus surrendering himself to be crucified for us. We remember His body that was sacrificed and His blood that was shed because we are all sinners and couldn't do anything to save ourselves.
On Sunday we celebrate His resurrection, we celebrate His faithfulness and rejoice in the fact that He is alive and living in all of us today.
But what about Saturday? What does Saturday symbolize? I heard Max Lucado say that the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday symbolizes the time of waiting in anticipation. That place when you have been given a promise from God but you have not seen that promise yet. The waiting season, oh how we all enjoy that! I can definitely say I'm in a waiting season right now and this Easter season has definitely restored my hope. This Saturday is all about clinging to the promises that God has given us and waiting patiently for His timing. Before Jesus ascended into Heaven, He left us with another promise:
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever. He is the Spirit of truth. The world is unable to receive Him because it doesn’t see Him or know Him. But you do know Him, because He remains with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I am coming to you.
-John 14:16-18
Wherever you are today, whatever your season you are in, go back to His promises. Cling to what you know is true and keep your faith in Him. He is always with you and He will never leave you.
Happy Easter!
As I got older, I began to discover the personal meaning of Easter to me and what the significance of this beautiful weekend is. The day that Jesus completely surrendered himself to be beaten and killed for our sin. He became human so he could live and walk on this earth to go through the things we go through so that we can have eternal life through salvation. What an amazing God we serve!
In Matthew we read about when Jesus went to the garden to pray,
He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.
-Matthew 26:39
He was obviously struggling with what was to come and did not want to go through what he knew would be an awful, painful crucifixion. But He did it anyway, He was obedient to His father and went forward in faith.
One of my favorite songs right now is "Beautiful, Scandalous Night" and the chorus says this:
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious treeOn that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
We're atoned by His blood and forever washed whiteOn that beautiful, scandalous night
THAT is what Easter is all about, and that is why Easter is my favorite time of the year.
On Good Friday we remember the Last Supper and the act of Jesus surrendering himself to be crucified for us. We remember His body that was sacrificed and His blood that was shed because we are all sinners and couldn't do anything to save ourselves.
On Sunday we celebrate His resurrection, we celebrate His faithfulness and rejoice in the fact that He is alive and living in all of us today.
But what about Saturday? What does Saturday symbolize? I heard Max Lucado say that the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday symbolizes the time of waiting in anticipation. That place when you have been given a promise from God but you have not seen that promise yet. The waiting season, oh how we all enjoy that! I can definitely say I'm in a waiting season right now and this Easter season has definitely restored my hope. This Saturday is all about clinging to the promises that God has given us and waiting patiently for His timing. Before Jesus ascended into Heaven, He left us with another promise:
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever. He is the Spirit of truth. The world is unable to receive Him because it doesn’t see Him or know Him. But you do know Him, because He remains with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I am coming to you.
-John 14:16-18
Wherever you are today, whatever your season you are in, go back to His promises. Cling to what you know is true and keep your faith in Him. He is always with you and He will never leave you.
Happy Easter!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Not a minute too early or a second too late
As I begin to write this post, I am sitting at Starbucks, tired from working all day, feeling sick and not looking forward to the time changing tomorrow and losing an hour of much needed sleep I hardly get when I work 11 hours a day. I love working in the restaurant industry and I don't think I'll ever work in any other field but days like today make me wonder why I chose this field. Weekends are usually when most people are off of work, spending time with family, shopping, attending sporting events and eating out. You would think that would put most people in a good mood. Not the people that come into my restaurant! For some reason it is during the weekends, especially after church on Sundays, when people are just downright mean! They just want to complain and will find any reason to storm up to the front of the restaurant and demand, "I want to speak with the manager!" After hearing complaint after complaint today and feeling like the harder I worked, the more upset people became I just wanted to give up on being nice. I wanted to give up and trying to help anyone at all, I was just feeling discouraged.
Discouraged is probably the best word to describe how I have been feeling about everything lately. Work in general is just not what it was in DFW, it's literally a different world out here in Lubbock, (I know that sounds dramatic but it's the truth!) I don't even feel like I work for the same company. I just feel defeated, I don't want to try anymore and I have lost most of my enthusiasm for my job. I just feel discouraged.
The past couple of months have just been a dry patch for me and it's hard to remain strong and keep telling myself, "God's got a plan! I'm here for a reason! It's going to get worse before it gets better!" But WHEN?! Hasn't it been long enough yet? How much longer will things go on like this? Well, as God would have it, my reading plan brought me to the book of Numbers today...yes, right in the middle where the Israelites are whining and complaining...ok, God I get it! I just have to laugh sometimes at the way God looks at me and says, "Really?" That's what I imagine him saying anyway because that's probably what I would say.
It's so amazing the way God gives us just an ounce of encouragement at exactly the time we need it, not a minute too early and not a second too late. Just last night as I was laying in bed, a friend wrote me and asked, "How are you doing? Spiritually, I mean, I haven't seen a blog post in a while." God was like, "are you going to stop pouting now?" And if you know me, I didn't, I decided to play the self pity card and whine about my situation. So then I got an email from someone at church that simply encouraged me with the truth that God has placed me here, in Lubbock, TX for a reason and He set me apart long before I was even conceived. She shared this verse:
"I chose you before I formed you in the womb;
I set you apart before you were born.I appointed you a prophet to the nations."
-Jeremiah 1:5
Let me tell you, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I have been reminding myself that God has a plan and He will bring me through and I have been going back to the promises He made when he moved me here and at the beginning of 2013 but sometimes we just need that little bit of encouragement and He knows exactly when those times are!
So I decided to spend the evening at Starbucks reading in Numbers. As I turned on my Slacker Radio (better than Spotify!) literally EVERY song spoke life and truth over me and gave me the exact words of encouragement I needed!!
Ok, God, you DO have a plan. You ARE working things out. You DID place me here for a reason. And you have NOT forgotten me! I did NOT make a mistake and I STILL trust you!
Then I came to Numbers 11,
"...is the Lord's power limited? You will see whether or not what I have promised will happen to you."
-Numbers 11:23
Now, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with His love. Overwhelmed with His peace and I can rest in His perfect timing. I think that I am going to sleep well tonight, even if it IS an hour less!!
Discouraged is probably the best word to describe how I have been feeling about everything lately. Work in general is just not what it was in DFW, it's literally a different world out here in Lubbock, (I know that sounds dramatic but it's the truth!) I don't even feel like I work for the same company. I just feel defeated, I don't want to try anymore and I have lost most of my enthusiasm for my job. I just feel discouraged.
The past couple of months have just been a dry patch for me and it's hard to remain strong and keep telling myself, "God's got a plan! I'm here for a reason! It's going to get worse before it gets better!" But WHEN?! Hasn't it been long enough yet? How much longer will things go on like this? Well, as God would have it, my reading plan brought me to the book of Numbers today...yes, right in the middle where the Israelites are whining and complaining...ok, God I get it! I just have to laugh sometimes at the way God looks at me and says, "Really?" That's what I imagine him saying anyway because that's probably what I would say.
It's so amazing the way God gives us just an ounce of encouragement at exactly the time we need it, not a minute too early and not a second too late. Just last night as I was laying in bed, a friend wrote me and asked, "How are you doing? Spiritually, I mean, I haven't seen a blog post in a while." God was like, "are you going to stop pouting now?" And if you know me, I didn't, I decided to play the self pity card and whine about my situation. So then I got an email from someone at church that simply encouraged me with the truth that God has placed me here, in Lubbock, TX for a reason and He set me apart long before I was even conceived. She shared this verse:
"I chose you before I formed you in the womb;
I set you apart before you were born.I appointed you a prophet to the nations."
-Jeremiah 1:5
Let me tell you, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I have been reminding myself that God has a plan and He will bring me through and I have been going back to the promises He made when he moved me here and at the beginning of 2013 but sometimes we just need that little bit of encouragement and He knows exactly when those times are!
So I decided to spend the evening at Starbucks reading in Numbers. As I turned on my Slacker Radio (better than Spotify!) literally EVERY song spoke life and truth over me and gave me the exact words of encouragement I needed!!
Ok, God, you DO have a plan. You ARE working things out. You DID place me here for a reason. And you have NOT forgotten me! I did NOT make a mistake and I STILL trust you!
Then I came to Numbers 11,
"...is the Lord's power limited? You will see whether or not what I have promised will happen to you."
-Numbers 11:23
Now, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with His love. Overwhelmed with His peace and I can rest in His perfect timing. I think that I am going to sleep well tonight, even if it IS an hour less!!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Prisoner to Prime Minister
In December I decided that I wanted to read the Bible in 2013, I was looking through different plans and I decided to read through the chronological plan. I went out and bought a chronological Bible and I started reading January 1. As I have been reading through the Old Testament, my eyes have been opened to so many things that I have never seen before, I have seen some things in a different light and God has been speaking to me through the simplest stories and details. Right now I'm reading Exodus and I'm fighting to keep reading through the details of Moses' sacrifices and the specifications of his "church".
As I read through Genesis last month, my favorite part was Joseph's story. He is such a great example of following God to reach our destiny no matter what tries to stop us. I'm sure most of you know his story but if you don't, read it in Genesis 37-50. I know it's long, but it's a good story!
After Joseph was sold into slavery, he was working in Potiphar's house. When Potiphar's wife tried to seduce him and he fled, she accused him of raping her and he was thrown into prison. He remained in prison with Potiphar's cup bearer and baker. When each of them had a dream they could not figure out what they meant and Joseph was able to interpret them, when his interpretations were correct, the cup bearer and the baker were released from prison. Joseph's one request was, "Remember me! Tell Potiphar I'm here and I can interpret dreams!" And guess what, he forgot all about Joseph as soon as he was outside the prison walls. Joseph remained in prison for two more years. I don't know about you but after being in prison for a few months I would probably pout and blame God and declare my life "over". That's just me though.
During those two years, Joseph was put in charge of all the prison...big whoop! But Joseph continued to serve God faithfully and he ran that prison like a boss! He did it with all of his heart and unto God. And two years later, when Pharoh continued to have weird dreams and his magicians and sorcerers could not interpret them, his cup bearer said "Oh wait! There is this guy in prison who can interpret dreams!" Joseph was then brought to Pharoh and he was able to interpret his dream and Pharoh made him Prime Minister of Egypt! What a turn around!
Looking at this story, it is obvious God had a plan for Joseph's life. Joseph was created with a destiny just like each of us. And unfortunately we live in a fallen world and people are going to recognize that in us and try to hinder us from reaching that destiny. Joseph had 10 brothers that wanted to kill him but instead they sold him to slavery and little did they know, they were helping him get one step closer to his destiny. They Potiphar's wife wanted Joseph to sleep with her but he refused and she falsely accused him of raping her which got him thrown into prison. Little did she know Joseph would be put in charge of the prison where he would develop "management skills" to be able to later be Prime Minister of Egypt. Wow!
How often do we look at our current situation and pout and blame God when we could possibly be one step closer to our destiny!? I know I'm guilty of this way too often and I caught myself doing this as I was reading Joseph's story.
It doesn't matter where we are or how bad our circumstances look, if we faithfully serve God through those circumstances, he will bring us out victorious! God has a plan and a destiny for your life and it can not be touched, altered or messed with as long as you are trusting Him! We serve a great God and He can do more than we could ask or imagine!
"Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us—to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21
As I read through Genesis last month, my favorite part was Joseph's story. He is such a great example of following God to reach our destiny no matter what tries to stop us. I'm sure most of you know his story but if you don't, read it in Genesis 37-50. I know it's long, but it's a good story!
After Joseph was sold into slavery, he was working in Potiphar's house. When Potiphar's wife tried to seduce him and he fled, she accused him of raping her and he was thrown into prison. He remained in prison with Potiphar's cup bearer and baker. When each of them had a dream they could not figure out what they meant and Joseph was able to interpret them, when his interpretations were correct, the cup bearer and the baker were released from prison. Joseph's one request was, "Remember me! Tell Potiphar I'm here and I can interpret dreams!" And guess what, he forgot all about Joseph as soon as he was outside the prison walls. Joseph remained in prison for two more years. I don't know about you but after being in prison for a few months I would probably pout and blame God and declare my life "over". That's just me though.
During those two years, Joseph was put in charge of all the prison...big whoop! But Joseph continued to serve God faithfully and he ran that prison like a boss! He did it with all of his heart and unto God. And two years later, when Pharoh continued to have weird dreams and his magicians and sorcerers could not interpret them, his cup bearer said "Oh wait! There is this guy in prison who can interpret dreams!" Joseph was then brought to Pharoh and he was able to interpret his dream and Pharoh made him Prime Minister of Egypt! What a turn around!
Looking at this story, it is obvious God had a plan for Joseph's life. Joseph was created with a destiny just like each of us. And unfortunately we live in a fallen world and people are going to recognize that in us and try to hinder us from reaching that destiny. Joseph had 10 brothers that wanted to kill him but instead they sold him to slavery and little did they know, they were helping him get one step closer to his destiny. They Potiphar's wife wanted Joseph to sleep with her but he refused and she falsely accused him of raping her which got him thrown into prison. Little did she know Joseph would be put in charge of the prison where he would develop "management skills" to be able to later be Prime Minister of Egypt. Wow!
How often do we look at our current situation and pout and blame God when we could possibly be one step closer to our destiny!? I know I'm guilty of this way too often and I caught myself doing this as I was reading Joseph's story.
It doesn't matter where we are or how bad our circumstances look, if we faithfully serve God through those circumstances, he will bring us out victorious! God has a plan and a destiny for your life and it can not be touched, altered or messed with as long as you are trusting Him! We serve a great God and He can do more than we could ask or imagine!
"Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us—to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Adonai
This is does not rhyme and I'm not a writer, this is simply my heart expressed to my King:
In my loneliest of days, you were near
Though my heart cried for others, you saw every tear
Never once did you leave, you remained close and always faithful
You waited patiently for the day I would turn to you and surrender it all
Never pushing me or forcing me, you gently pursued me
Once I gave you my heart, I was never again the same
Though I said, "Why did I do that again?"
You simply replied, "I also died for that sin."
The more you speak, the deeper in love I fall
You never once fail me, though I fail at it all
You remain true, even when I wander here and there
My trust is in you and you hold my future
My love for you grows everyday and your love for me is greater than I can imagine
I am your priceless pearl, your little girl
And you are my King, the one to whom I cry "Adonai!"
"Remember Your Word to Your servant, for You have given me hope. Your Word has given me new life. This is my comfort in my suffering."
-Psalm 119:49-50
In my loneliest of days, you were near
Though my heart cried for others, you saw every tear
Never once did you leave, you remained close and always faithful
You waited patiently for the day I would turn to you and surrender it all
Never pushing me or forcing me, you gently pursued me
Once I gave you my heart, I was never again the same
Though I said, "Why did I do that again?"
You simply replied, "I also died for that sin."
The more you speak, the deeper in love I fall
You never once fail me, though I fail at it all
You remain true, even when I wander here and there
My trust is in you and you hold my future
My love for you grows everyday and your love for me is greater than I can imagine
I am your priceless pearl, your little girl
And you are my King, the one to whom I cry "Adonai!"
"Remember Your Word to Your servant, for You have given me hope. Your Word has given me new life. This is my comfort in my suffering."
-Psalm 119:49-50
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Joy for Mourning
I've been in Lubbock for 4 months and the impatient part of me is already tired of it. It's not what I expected, life isn't what I expected it to be here. So what do I do? I know the right thing to do, trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding, be patient, wait, be still and know He is Lord. Unfortunately, all these things are hard for me to do so it's a struggle, daily.
I know that God moved me here, I know He has a plan and purpose. And we never see that plan unfold in our timing. It is always in His timing which happens to be perfect, so why would we want anything to happen in our timing anyway? It's not easy, but it's always worth it (my new favorite saying).
When I first moved to Dallas, I struggled a lot with loneliness and depression. I had to take two online courses during my first summer after I graduated because I was not informed that I was missing 6 credits until a month before graduation. This was the second thing that threw me off. I'm the type of person that creates a plan in my head, the way I want and think things should play out and when it doesn't happen that way, it's hard for me to go with the flow and see what happens. I had been with a guy for a couple years and again, had a picture in head on how it would play out but instead God said, "I have a different plan", I obeyed Him but it did not make me happy. I always told myself, "Once I graduate I want to get out of Cruces! Anywhere but TEXAS!" God said, "How about you follow me to Texas?" Once I moved to Texas, I had a picture in my mind of what kind of church I was looking for and wanted to go to, something small like the church I grew up in where everyone knows everyone and it's easy to meet people. God said, "How about you go to a huge, mega-church where it is really hard to meet new people and you'll actually have to work at it." Don't get me wrong, you all know I LOVE Gateway and would move back in heartbeat just to go to church there but at that point in time, I thought my life had fallen apart. I thought for sure I had missed something, I made a wrong "turn" somewhere and I know I was stuck in TEXAS, SINGLE, without a DIPLOMA, taking summer courses online and attending a HUGE church every Sunday where I felt as insignificant as possible.
My sisters always say I'm a drama queen, I don't know why.
So when I wasn't working, I was in bed crying. Or in the shower crying. Every time I got in the car to drive home, I cried. Everything felt meaningless, I felt meaningless. I remember thinking that if anything ever happened to me, no one would know for days. I had no friends, everyone who cared was so far away and I didn't talk to anyone often enough that they would notice if something had happened. I couldn't control it and sometimes I didn't even know why but the tears kept coming. Other times I would sob and sob for hours before I could fall asleep. It started to become a source of comfort. I felt better if I cried and "let it out". Then one day I was laying in bed and as I crying I realized that this was becoming serious. This probably wasn't okay for me to just cry and be alone all the time. I was depressed. Depressed? Really? I called out to God, I don't remember exactly what I prayed but I basically said, "God, you know me, you know the deepest parts of my heart and you know what is going on here. You can see the big picture and planned everything to happen just the way it is happening. I am not trusting you, I am not relying on you to take care of me. I need your help, I cannot do this. I feel hopeless and weak and weary. Oh God, give me your strength, give me joy. Give me a reason to keep doing this. Wake me up, give joy again. You are going to have to do this because I can't but I know YOU CAN!"
I did not wake up the next morning a changed person, I can't say that I never shed another tear or felt alone again. It was a process and it wasn't an easy one. Every time I wanted to cry, I prayed instead. Every time I felt lonely, I asked God to wash me in His love. I developed a habit of turning to Him every time I started to feel overwhelmed by the devil's lies and misinterpretations. I learned that God is my one and only comforter, after all, if He created my heart then He should know how to love it!
As I walked through this season in my life, God gave me a theme verse:
"...to comfort all who mourn;3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
I know that God moved me here, I know He has a plan and purpose. And we never see that plan unfold in our timing. It is always in His timing which happens to be perfect, so why would we want anything to happen in our timing anyway? It's not easy, but it's always worth it (my new favorite saying).
When I first moved to Dallas, I struggled a lot with loneliness and depression. I had to take two online courses during my first summer after I graduated because I was not informed that I was missing 6 credits until a month before graduation. This was the second thing that threw me off. I'm the type of person that creates a plan in my head, the way I want and think things should play out and when it doesn't happen that way, it's hard for me to go with the flow and see what happens. I had been with a guy for a couple years and again, had a picture in head on how it would play out but instead God said, "I have a different plan", I obeyed Him but it did not make me happy. I always told myself, "Once I graduate I want to get out of Cruces! Anywhere but TEXAS!" God said, "How about you follow me to Texas?" Once I moved to Texas, I had a picture in my mind of what kind of church I was looking for and wanted to go to, something small like the church I grew up in where everyone knows everyone and it's easy to meet people. God said, "How about you go to a huge, mega-church where it is really hard to meet new people and you'll actually have to work at it." Don't get me wrong, you all know I LOVE Gateway and would move back in heartbeat just to go to church there but at that point in time, I thought my life had fallen apart. I thought for sure I had missed something, I made a wrong "turn" somewhere and I know I was stuck in TEXAS, SINGLE, without a DIPLOMA, taking summer courses online and attending a HUGE church every Sunday where I felt as insignificant as possible.
My sisters always say I'm a drama queen, I don't know why.
So when I wasn't working, I was in bed crying. Or in the shower crying. Every time I got in the car to drive home, I cried. Everything felt meaningless, I felt meaningless. I remember thinking that if anything ever happened to me, no one would know for days. I had no friends, everyone who cared was so far away and I didn't talk to anyone often enough that they would notice if something had happened. I couldn't control it and sometimes I didn't even know why but the tears kept coming. Other times I would sob and sob for hours before I could fall asleep. It started to become a source of comfort. I felt better if I cried and "let it out". Then one day I was laying in bed and as I crying I realized that this was becoming serious. This probably wasn't okay for me to just cry and be alone all the time. I was depressed. Depressed? Really? I called out to God, I don't remember exactly what I prayed but I basically said, "God, you know me, you know the deepest parts of my heart and you know what is going on here. You can see the big picture and planned everything to happen just the way it is happening. I am not trusting you, I am not relying on you to take care of me. I need your help, I cannot do this. I feel hopeless and weak and weary. Oh God, give me your strength, give me joy. Give me a reason to keep doing this. Wake me up, give joy again. You are going to have to do this because I can't but I know YOU CAN!"
I did not wake up the next morning a changed person, I can't say that I never shed another tear or felt alone again. It was a process and it wasn't an easy one. Every time I wanted to cry, I prayed instead. Every time I felt lonely, I asked God to wash me in His love. I developed a habit of turning to Him every time I started to feel overwhelmed by the devil's lies and misinterpretations. I learned that God is my one and only comforter, after all, if He created my heart then He should know how to love it!
As I walked through this season in my life, God gave me a theme verse:
"...to comfort all who mourn;3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." -Isaiah 61:2b-3
I am now an "Oak of Righteousness", planted by the Lord that he might be glorified! I know God never gives us more than we can handle even though sometimes we feel like if we take one more step, we will fall apart, I have been there! And sometimes God gives us enough strength to just keep breathing but, we're still here aren't we? You've made it this far and He isn't just going to throw up His hands and say "Ok, now you figure it out from here". He will never leave us or forsake us. This is just another thing He walked through with me that I may be an example of His faithfulness and that He may be glorified.
So, now I'm back to a small town and I have to go to a small church and I have to make friends again, I feel like I'm back at square one. And you know what? It definitely forces me to rely on Him and trust Him. I know He has a plan now just like He did when I moved to Dallas. I cannot see it right now, but He can. So I should probably trust him to call the shots and I'll just follow Him!
I am now an "Oak of Righteousness", planted by the Lord that he might be glorified! I know God never gives us more than we can handle even though sometimes we feel like if we take one more step, we will fall apart, I have been there! And sometimes God gives us enough strength to just keep breathing but, we're still here aren't we? You've made it this far and He isn't just going to throw up His hands and say "Ok, now you figure it out from here". He will never leave us or forsake us. This is just another thing He walked through with me that I may be an example of His faithfulness and that He may be glorified.
So, now I'm back to a small town and I have to go to a small church and I have to make friends again, I feel like I'm back at square one. And you know what? It definitely forces me to rely on Him and trust Him. I know He has a plan now just like He did when I moved to Dallas. I cannot see it right now, but He can. So I should probably trust him to call the shots and I'll just follow Him!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
My timeline vs. His plan
I am the oldest of 4 kids and I have always been the one to set the example and "pave the way" as my mom always put it. I always did things first and naturally my brother and then my sisters would follow. I was the first to learn to drive and get a car, the first to graduate high school then college, the first to get a job, the first to move away, the first to get a boyfriend, etc. As we got older that was no longer the case and at first that was hard for me. I had selfish thoughts like "I'm supposed to be the one to do that first" or "I'm supposed to make my parents proud like that". But I had to quickly learn that just because that's how it was for the first 20 or so years of my life, that doesn't mean that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life. God has a specific plan for each of us and doesn't always happen according to our timeline.
I had this picture in my head of how my life would go and exactly when it would all happen and how it would happen. I had an idea of how old I would be when I got married, had kids, etc. Too bad that didn't match up with His plan!
I experienced a little bit of this in my professional life as well, I thought that just because I had worked with the company longer or had more experience in the restaurant industry, I should be in higher position or be getting paid more money. All of this was very humbling for me and I struggled with it for a while. My selfish pride always leads me to a place where I am unhappy and wondering if God had forgotten about the "plan" for my life.
One night, about 8 months ago, as I was laying in bed and feeling very overwhelmed by those feelings of doubt and insecurity, wondering if my life was really going anywhere. I started crying out to God and just asking Him, "God, what are you doing here?". I was feeling particularly frustrated with work and I felt like I was just stuck in this one place and it seemed like I wasn't going to get out or move up. "Why?" "Where are you?" The only thing that bothered me more than the feeling of doubt and wonder was the fact that I was feeling that way. Deep down in my heart I knew God was faithful and I knew He was good. I had seen it in my own life in many ways but just in this one particular circumstance and in this particular time I decided to let my pride take over. And God continued to pursue me and He remained faithful.
The next morning the Lord woke me up at exactly 3:17 a.m., my eyes flung open and He clearly told me, "Good morning! You should read Zephaniah 3:17 and Zechariah 3:7." I hopped out of bed, grabbed my Bible and sat down at my table and read these verses:
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17
"This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'If you will walk in my ways and keep my requirement, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among the standing here." -Zechariah 3:7
Wow! And why did I ever doubt Him? I can't help but laugh, He never ceases to amaze me! The Lord your God is with you...this whole time, even when I was wondering if He was there or what He was doing, HE IS WITH ME. That whole verse just speaks assurance to me but I love the part that says, He will rejoice over you with singing...what a beautiful picture, huh?
And if that wasn't enough, He gave me the verse in Zechariah to speak to me about my professional life, If you will walk in my ways, I will give you a place among the standing here...He makes me smile!
I'm embarrassed to say that I still struggle with this sometimes but I always go back to that place in my journal where He spoke to me about this and I read these verses to remind my that He has NOT forgotten about me or the plan for my life and His timing is perfect.
"...I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." -Jeremiah 29:11
No matter where you are at in your life, God WILL show up and take care of you, bring you back home and fulfill His perfect plan for your life! All you have to do is trust Him with your life and follow His lead, He never disappoints!
I had this picture in my head of how my life would go and exactly when it would all happen and how it would happen. I had an idea of how old I would be when I got married, had kids, etc. Too bad that didn't match up with His plan!
I experienced a little bit of this in my professional life as well, I thought that just because I had worked with the company longer or had more experience in the restaurant industry, I should be in higher position or be getting paid more money. All of this was very humbling for me and I struggled with it for a while. My selfish pride always leads me to a place where I am unhappy and wondering if God had forgotten about the "plan" for my life.
One night, about 8 months ago, as I was laying in bed and feeling very overwhelmed by those feelings of doubt and insecurity, wondering if my life was really going anywhere. I started crying out to God and just asking Him, "God, what are you doing here?". I was feeling particularly frustrated with work and I felt like I was just stuck in this one place and it seemed like I wasn't going to get out or move up. "Why?" "Where are you?" The only thing that bothered me more than the feeling of doubt and wonder was the fact that I was feeling that way. Deep down in my heart I knew God was faithful and I knew He was good. I had seen it in my own life in many ways but just in this one particular circumstance and in this particular time I decided to let my pride take over. And God continued to pursue me and He remained faithful.
The next morning the Lord woke me up at exactly 3:17 a.m., my eyes flung open and He clearly told me, "Good morning! You should read Zephaniah 3:17 and Zechariah 3:7." I hopped out of bed, grabbed my Bible and sat down at my table and read these verses:
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17
"This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'If you will walk in my ways and keep my requirement, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among the standing here." -Zechariah 3:7
Wow! And why did I ever doubt Him? I can't help but laugh, He never ceases to amaze me! The Lord your God is with you...this whole time, even when I was wondering if He was there or what He was doing, HE IS WITH ME. That whole verse just speaks assurance to me but I love the part that says, He will rejoice over you with singing...what a beautiful picture, huh?
And if that wasn't enough, He gave me the verse in Zechariah to speak to me about my professional life, If you will walk in my ways, I will give you a place among the standing here...He makes me smile!
I'm embarrassed to say that I still struggle with this sometimes but I always go back to that place in my journal where He spoke to me about this and I read these verses to remind my that He has NOT forgotten about me or the plan for my life and His timing is perfect.
"...I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." -Jeremiah 29:11
No matter where you are at in your life, God WILL show up and take care of you, bring you back home and fulfill His perfect plan for your life! All you have to do is trust Him with your life and follow His lead, He never disappoints!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Life Begins And Ends With Him
The first time I had my heart broken I was laying on a cold hospital bed as the doctor pulled out my dead baby. I was dizzy from the pain and I couldn't stop crying. I still remember that day so clearly, March 11, 2007. I had waited in the ER waiting room for 5 hours as the pain increased, I couldn't stand or sit and sometimes it was so hard to breathe. I didn't want to believe what I knew was happening. I didn't want a baby but the fact was that I was pregnant and I had grown to love the fact that I was going to be a mom. No, it wasn't ideal circumstances but it was reality and I knew that I had let everyone down around me but I couldn't change that. I made my decision, I messed up and I was going to make the best of it from then on. It was going to be ok, it wasn't the end of the world and not even the end of my life. I knew it was a big responsibility but that's what I got for making the decisions I made. It became real when I got my first ultrasound. I smiled when the technician showed me the tiny bit of movement inside my womb. All I could think about was my baby and what it would look like and how I would grow to love it as it grew inside of me. I had a small group of friends that surrounded me with love and advice. I began reading online and in books of what to do and what not to do. I was so careful to take care of myself from the moment I found out, I took vitamins, ate healthy and got plenty of sleep. Week after week I read about what stage my baby was at and what it looked like. Eight weeks went by and one Sunday afternoon I was at work and started having really sharp pains. Once I couldn't ignore them any longer I left work and checked myself into the ER...all alone.
I stared at the lights above me and prayed it would be over soon. When I saw the nurse take the pieces of flesh and blood that once made up my tiny baby I cried even more. I was wheeled back into my room where my friend met me and she held my hand and told me it would all be ok. It wasn't going to be ok. I just lost my first baby. Something must be wrong with my body and I can't develop a baby. Something is wrong with me, it's not going to be ok. I was released a couple hours later and I went home and went to bed. I was numb from the emotional and physical pain. It hurt so much that I didn't feel anything (if that makes sense). I got under my covers and wanted to go to sleep for the rest of my life.
I woke up the next morning and it hit me harder than ever before. It is such a painful feeling, I can't even explain it. The only way I know to describe is that it truly feels like a part of you is dead. I just felt incomplete, lost, sad and so alone. No one could understand how I felt even if I explained it. I cried every time I saw a child or a baby. Every time I walked past the baby section in a store. Every time I saw a pregnant mother. All the time! That's when I realized what heartbreak felt like. When what was supposed to be my due date came around, I didn't want to leave my room or see anyone or talk to anyone. I don't think I was really "ok" until about a year after it happened. I told myself I never wanted to get pregnant again. I didn't want to risk going through all that over again! I couldn't bear the fact of losing another baby. Obviously, I was years away from that but I didn't care, it was never going to happen again. I felt as though I was half a woman, like I was incomplete. How could I not be able to do the one thing women were placed on this earth to do? What kind of a woman can't carry a baby??
It wasn't until year later when I finally decided to surrender my life, hurts, fears and all to God and give Him control. I had tried on my own and that obviously always led to pain. God is so gracious and merciful and He began to show me my true identity and who I am in Him (if you haven't read that post, read it: http://rachelpelzel.blog.com/2012/08/14/identity-pricless-pearl/ ). I began to realize that I can't let my past define me. I can't go on living my life dragging along my hurts and fears from my past. This was a big turning point in my life. It was still hard and I constantly have to remind myself that the past is the past and the only thing I can change is my future.
On November 29, 2011 I wrote this in my journal: Matthew 2:18-"... Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because they are no more." As I read this verse, it jumped out at me and said THIS IS YOU! Weeping and refusing to be comforted. I'm not allowing God to heal me from my miscarriages. I'm not completely healed in that area and it's because I'm holding on to it so tightly and not allowing God to heal me. I don't know why, but I must realize this is not my time. This is my season of learning and growing, just me and Jesus. I must make the best out of this...God you are good!
Then on December 6, 2011: God is saying: "I'm making beautiful things out of your heartbreak. Stop believing these lies that are keeping you from moving on. I have called you to be a spiritual mother to many. Many will come to you for comfort and guidance and wisdom. I had to call your children home very early, it's all part of my plan. Please trust me regardless of how you feel and let me comfort you. I'm holding you, dear Rachel. My precious princess, I love you so much and all I want is for you to look for your needs to be met in me alone. Trust me, I've got you, baby girl. I love you."
No matter what you are going through or have gone through, God wants to be your comforter. He wants you to look to Him to meet all your needs. Believe me, it is so worth it! He created us, so He knows us better than anyone else and He knows exactly how to comfort us. He loves you so, so much!
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." -2 Corinthians 1:3-5
He has a plan for everything and we don't always know why things happen the way they do but all we can do is trust Him and look to him to take us through the storm of life and believe that He will make something beautiful out of it!
I've seen days where it seems like my nights won't end.
Every dream that I had has been lost in the wind.
But Your words brought me back to the truth.
Life begins and will end with You.
As I stand in the eye of the storm,
It's Your love that keeps guiding me home.
I felt the fear as I stood before the giant.
3 stones trembling in my hand.
And in the end not a whisper from the army.
No one believing this was in Your plan.
If You're with me, who can be against me?
I have no reason to fear
If You're with me, who can be against me?
I know You're keeping me near.
-Group 1 Crew "Fearless"
I stared at the lights above me and prayed it would be over soon. When I saw the nurse take the pieces of flesh and blood that once made up my tiny baby I cried even more. I was wheeled back into my room where my friend met me and she held my hand and told me it would all be ok. It wasn't going to be ok. I just lost my first baby. Something must be wrong with my body and I can't develop a baby. Something is wrong with me, it's not going to be ok. I was released a couple hours later and I went home and went to bed. I was numb from the emotional and physical pain. It hurt so much that I didn't feel anything (if that makes sense). I got under my covers and wanted to go to sleep for the rest of my life.
I woke up the next morning and it hit me harder than ever before. It is such a painful feeling, I can't even explain it. The only way I know to describe is that it truly feels like a part of you is dead. I just felt incomplete, lost, sad and so alone. No one could understand how I felt even if I explained it. I cried every time I saw a child or a baby. Every time I walked past the baby section in a store. Every time I saw a pregnant mother. All the time! That's when I realized what heartbreak felt like. When what was supposed to be my due date came around, I didn't want to leave my room or see anyone or talk to anyone. I don't think I was really "ok" until about a year after it happened. I told myself I never wanted to get pregnant again. I didn't want to risk going through all that over again! I couldn't bear the fact of losing another baby. Obviously, I was years away from that but I didn't care, it was never going to happen again. I felt as though I was half a woman, like I was incomplete. How could I not be able to do the one thing women were placed on this earth to do? What kind of a woman can't carry a baby??
It wasn't until year later when I finally decided to surrender my life, hurts, fears and all to God and give Him control. I had tried on my own and that obviously always led to pain. God is so gracious and merciful and He began to show me my true identity and who I am in Him (if you haven't read that post, read it: http://rachelpelzel.blog.com/2012/08/14/identity-pricless-pearl/ ). I began to realize that I can't let my past define me. I can't go on living my life dragging along my hurts and fears from my past. This was a big turning point in my life. It was still hard and I constantly have to remind myself that the past is the past and the only thing I can change is my future.
On November 29, 2011 I wrote this in my journal: Matthew 2:18-"... Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because they are no more." As I read this verse, it jumped out at me and said THIS IS YOU! Weeping and refusing to be comforted. I'm not allowing God to heal me from my miscarriages. I'm not completely healed in that area and it's because I'm holding on to it so tightly and not allowing God to heal me. I don't know why, but I must realize this is not my time. This is my season of learning and growing, just me and Jesus. I must make the best out of this...God you are good!
Then on December 6, 2011: God is saying: "I'm making beautiful things out of your heartbreak. Stop believing these lies that are keeping you from moving on. I have called you to be a spiritual mother to many. Many will come to you for comfort and guidance and wisdom. I had to call your children home very early, it's all part of my plan. Please trust me regardless of how you feel and let me comfort you. I'm holding you, dear Rachel. My precious princess, I love you so much and all I want is for you to look for your needs to be met in me alone. Trust me, I've got you, baby girl. I love you."
No matter what you are going through or have gone through, God wants to be your comforter. He wants you to look to Him to meet all your needs. Believe me, it is so worth it! He created us, so He knows us better than anyone else and He knows exactly how to comfort us. He loves you so, so much!
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." -2 Corinthians 1:3-5
He has a plan for everything and we don't always know why things happen the way they do but all we can do is trust Him and look to him to take us through the storm of life and believe that He will make something beautiful out of it!
I've seen days where it seems like my nights won't end.
Every dream that I had has been lost in the wind.
But Your words brought me back to the truth.
Life begins and will end with You.
As I stand in the eye of the storm,
It's Your love that keeps guiding me home.
I felt the fear as I stood before the giant.
3 stones trembling in my hand.
And in the end not a whisper from the army.
No one believing this was in Your plan.
If You're with me, who can be against me?
I have no reason to fear
If You're with me, who can be against me?
I know You're keeping me near.
-Group 1 Crew "Fearless"
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Beauty That Lasts
As I left work today, it started pouring rain. I literally live 7 minutes from work and I thought I could make it home before the storm got worse...7 minutes turned into 20 and as raindrops fell hard against my windshield, I drove slowly down the road trying to make out the scene around me. There was lightning and thunder and the only thing I thought was "My poor puppies are probably so scared!", I finally made it home only to discover the electricity was out! As I laid in my dark, somewhat hot, apartment I thought of all the things I needed to do and how much of an inconvenience this was on my evening! When the rain finally stopped I decided to go run a couple errands and as I was driving I noticed the most beautiful skyline and a rainbow hidden in the clouds...A reminder that God always keeps His promises.
God then brought a particular promise to mind...
A little over a year ago I was listening to Kari Jobe in my quiet time and I was meditating on the lyrics to her song, "Beautiful". The chorus says:
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me
I began to sing these words over and over and just express to the Lord how beautiful He was to me. And then I thought, 'beautiful'? Most commonly, beautiful is a word used to describe something that is physically attractive, but I have never physically seen God. But I HAVE seen His works and His hand upon my life and I've heard His voice and I know His character and His love for me...that's what makes Him beautiful to me. Personality, character and actions are far more beautiful than anything physical, physical things never last. I smiled at this thought and told Him again how beautiful He was and began to write down my thoughts, then He said: "Rachel, this is how I see you", tears! Streaming down my face! Lots of them! As I wrote down what He was telling me, I began to realize how my heavenly father saw me and it wasn't exactly how I saw myself. This was another turning point in my identity and it changed the way I saw myself and what I thought of myself.
As I gazed in awe of the rainbow today, I decided to pull out my journal and read everything I wrote that evening and something jumped out at me. Something else He told me that night was that my future husband would be able to see me the way God sees me. At first I thought, why did I write that? Why did he say THAT to me? But today I realized why.
I'm not in a relationship and I haven't been for a while but over the past 3 years or so I have kind of been developing a fear of marriage. Only because I am constantly surrounded by people who's marriages didn't work, who 'fell out of love', who 'lost their connection, their spark' and for some reason they just aren't enough for each other anymore. I see people who are either divorced or staying in a lifeless marriage, both seem miserable. That is what I'm scared of! Marriage is a lifetime commitment and I'm scared that I won't be enough for some person to want to make a life long promise and actually work at keeping that promise. BUT, my future husband will see me through God's eyes! Our God is constant, He is the same in the past, present and future. That is more than a lifetime. And if my future husband can see the things God sees, I will always be enough!
We are God's perfect bride, He chose us and He will always love us with an unconditional love. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than that! I have to constantly remind myself that the God of the universe, my heavenly father, looks down on me and calls me beautiful, He says I'm enough. That's worth more to me than what I see in the mirror and it will last longer, too!!!
My darling, you are so beautiful!
Oh, you are beautiful!
-Song of Solomon 4:1
It's kind of funny how one minute I'm driving in this storm and not one hour later, I was gazing at His beauty in the sky! He makes all things beautiful! And no matter what kind of storm you have been through or if you're in one right now! He can turn it around in an instant and make it something beautiful! This song by Gungor is a great reminder of this:
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
God then brought a particular promise to mind...
A little over a year ago I was listening to Kari Jobe in my quiet time and I was meditating on the lyrics to her song, "Beautiful". The chorus says:
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me
I began to sing these words over and over and just express to the Lord how beautiful He was to me. And then I thought, 'beautiful'? Most commonly, beautiful is a word used to describe something that is physically attractive, but I have never physically seen God. But I HAVE seen His works and His hand upon my life and I've heard His voice and I know His character and His love for me...that's what makes Him beautiful to me. Personality, character and actions are far more beautiful than anything physical, physical things never last. I smiled at this thought and told Him again how beautiful He was and began to write down my thoughts, then He said: "Rachel, this is how I see you", tears! Streaming down my face! Lots of them! As I wrote down what He was telling me, I began to realize how my heavenly father saw me and it wasn't exactly how I saw myself. This was another turning point in my identity and it changed the way I saw myself and what I thought of myself.
As I gazed in awe of the rainbow today, I decided to pull out my journal and read everything I wrote that evening and something jumped out at me. Something else He told me that night was that my future husband would be able to see me the way God sees me. At first I thought, why did I write that? Why did he say THAT to me? But today I realized why.
I'm not in a relationship and I haven't been for a while but over the past 3 years or so I have kind of been developing a fear of marriage. Only because I am constantly surrounded by people who's marriages didn't work, who 'fell out of love', who 'lost their connection, their spark' and for some reason they just aren't enough for each other anymore. I see people who are either divorced or staying in a lifeless marriage, both seem miserable. That is what I'm scared of! Marriage is a lifetime commitment and I'm scared that I won't be enough for some person to want to make a life long promise and actually work at keeping that promise. BUT, my future husband will see me through God's eyes! Our God is constant, He is the same in the past, present and future. That is more than a lifetime. And if my future husband can see the things God sees, I will always be enough!
We are God's perfect bride, He chose us and He will always love us with an unconditional love. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than that! I have to constantly remind myself that the God of the universe, my heavenly father, looks down on me and calls me beautiful, He says I'm enough. That's worth more to me than what I see in the mirror and it will last longer, too!!!
My darling, you are so beautiful!
Oh, you are beautiful!
-Song of Solomon 4:1
It's kind of funny how one minute I'm driving in this storm and not one hour later, I was gazing at His beauty in the sky! He makes all things beautiful! And no matter what kind of storm you have been through or if you're in one right now! He can turn it around in an instant and make it something beautiful! This song by Gungor is a great reminder of this:
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
Friday, September 14, 2012
He is jealous for me
"He loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy." -John Mark McMillan
Think about this for a second. I can't listen to this song without being overwhelmed. I have heard this song so many times and sang it in church hundreds of times but I heard it again last night as I was reading and God just embraced me with his loving arms and all I could do was cry as I soaked in his goodness and faithfulness.
He loves like a hurricane, now I don't know about you but when I think of love I think of red hearts and fluffy teddy bears and yummy coffee! I do not think of a hurricane! But God's love is like a hurricane! And yo know what, it isn't always warm and fuzzy but it's REAL! I read a little bit about this song and John Mark McMillan says: "This song is a celebration of a God who would want to hang with us through difficult and messy things, who would want to be a part of our lives through those things, and, despite who we are, He would want to be a part of us."
A little over a year ago I read this book titled "Lies Women Believe and the truth that sets them free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. (If you are a woman out there and you haven't read this book...go get it..now!) It is an amazing and powerful book that talks about every lie that we as women tend to believe and how it hinders us and blinds us and prevents us from being all we were created to be. I got it out again last night and I'm going to read it again. One part talks about the lie we believe that God doesn't really love us. DeMoss explains how we, as women, are led by emotions and feelings. All of us at some point have been let down, rejected and disappointed. Whether it was a family member, friend, husband or boyfriend. Each of us have experienced that feeling of rejection by that person who was supposed to be the person that loved us and that person that we wanted to receive that sense of security from. So, the devil says, "Hey, if God is supposed to be your LOVING father and you are supposed to find SECURITY in Him, how is that going to be any different than your past experiences?" And we believe it! We think that we have to EARN His love and when we mess up, He wont love us anymore. We think that in order to receive forgiveness of our sin there must be a list of things we have to do and a period of time before we can go back to Him and after it's happened three times, He must really be sick and tired of me and not want anything to do with me!
This is the furthest idea from the truth! It's a lie from the enemy and this is not who God is at all! DeMoss says in her book, "The truth is, God does love us. Whether or not we feel loved, regardless of what we have done or where we have come from, He loves us with an infinite, incomprehensible love."
Back to the picture of the tree bending in the hurricane, we've all seen something like this whether in real life or on TV. But we'e seen that tree completely overtaken and controlled by the wind of the hurricane. Bending almost to the ground and completely vulnerable, this is us under God's love. It's not always pretty but it's real and He is always there. As McMillan said, even through the messy, ugly stuff in life, God still loves us and His love never changes despite our circumstances or our actions.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. -Hebrews 13:8
The Bible tells us that God has loved us since before time began, before the creation of the world and before we were even conceived, He loved us and He loves us with that same love today and He will love you with that same love tomorrow and next month and next year, no matter what you do. I remember the first time I actually realized what God's love was like and that it had nothing to do with what I had done or could ever do. He spoke to me through this song:
WHO AM I
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
-Casting Crowns
Until we realize that nothing we ever do can make our God love us any more or any less, we will not fully comprehend how great God's love is for us. "Melana Monroe was battling breast cancer and after her double mastectomy she thought her husband would never love her the same: As we wept and trembled when he took my bandages off the first time, I was so ugly, scarred and bald. I was in intense grief that I could never be a whole wife to him again. Steve held me tightly and with tears in his eyes said, "Melana, I love you because that's who I am." I instantly recognized Christ in my husband. As His bride, we are also eaten up with cancer--sin-- and are scarred, mutilated and ugly but He loves us because that is who He is. No comeliness in us draws Christ's attention; it is only His essence that draws Him to us." (Excerpt from Lies Women Believe and the truth that sets them free by DeMoss)
We will never completely understand why or how God loves us so much. Our earthly bodies and minds can't fully comprehend heavenly things but sometimes we just have to cling to the truth that He gave us in His word, He loves us with an everlasting love and nothing can ever change that.
Think about this for a second. I can't listen to this song without being overwhelmed. I have heard this song so many times and sang it in church hundreds of times but I heard it again last night as I was reading and God just embraced me with his loving arms and all I could do was cry as I soaked in his goodness and faithfulness.
He loves like a hurricane, now I don't know about you but when I think of love I think of red hearts and fluffy teddy bears and yummy coffee! I do not think of a hurricane! But God's love is like a hurricane! And yo know what, it isn't always warm and fuzzy but it's REAL! I read a little bit about this song and John Mark McMillan says: "This song is a celebration of a God who would want to hang with us through difficult and messy things, who would want to be a part of our lives through those things, and, despite who we are, He would want to be a part of us."
A little over a year ago I read this book titled "Lies Women Believe and the truth that sets them free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. (If you are a woman out there and you haven't read this book...go get it..now!) It is an amazing and powerful book that talks about every lie that we as women tend to believe and how it hinders us and blinds us and prevents us from being all we were created to be. I got it out again last night and I'm going to read it again. One part talks about the lie we believe that God doesn't really love us. DeMoss explains how we, as women, are led by emotions and feelings. All of us at some point have been let down, rejected and disappointed. Whether it was a family member, friend, husband or boyfriend. Each of us have experienced that feeling of rejection by that person who was supposed to be the person that loved us and that person that we wanted to receive that sense of security from. So, the devil says, "Hey, if God is supposed to be your LOVING father and you are supposed to find SECURITY in Him, how is that going to be any different than your past experiences?" And we believe it! We think that we have to EARN His love and when we mess up, He wont love us anymore. We think that in order to receive forgiveness of our sin there must be a list of things we have to do and a period of time before we can go back to Him and after it's happened three times, He must really be sick and tired of me and not want anything to do with me!
This is the furthest idea from the truth! It's a lie from the enemy and this is not who God is at all! DeMoss says in her book, "The truth is, God does love us. Whether or not we feel loved, regardless of what we have done or where we have come from, He loves us with an infinite, incomprehensible love."
Back to the picture of the tree bending in the hurricane, we've all seen something like this whether in real life or on TV. But we'e seen that tree completely overtaken and controlled by the wind of the hurricane. Bending almost to the ground and completely vulnerable, this is us under God's love. It's not always pretty but it's real and He is always there. As McMillan said, even through the messy, ugly stuff in life, God still loves us and His love never changes despite our circumstances or our actions.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. -Hebrews 13:8
The Bible tells us that God has loved us since before time began, before the creation of the world and before we were even conceived, He loved us and He loves us with that same love today and He will love you with that same love tomorrow and next month and next year, no matter what you do. I remember the first time I actually realized what God's love was like and that it had nothing to do with what I had done or could ever do. He spoke to me through this song:
WHO AM I
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
-Casting Crowns
Until we realize that nothing we ever do can make our God love us any more or any less, we will not fully comprehend how great God's love is for us. "Melana Monroe was battling breast cancer and after her double mastectomy she thought her husband would never love her the same: As we wept and trembled when he took my bandages off the first time, I was so ugly, scarred and bald. I was in intense grief that I could never be a whole wife to him again. Steve held me tightly and with tears in his eyes said, "Melana, I love you because that's who I am." I instantly recognized Christ in my husband. As His bride, we are also eaten up with cancer--sin-- and are scarred, mutilated and ugly but He loves us because that is who He is. No comeliness in us draws Christ's attention; it is only His essence that draws Him to us." (Excerpt from Lies Women Believe and the truth that sets them free by DeMoss)
We will never completely understand why or how God loves us so much. Our earthly bodies and minds can't fully comprehend heavenly things but sometimes we just have to cling to the truth that He gave us in His word, He loves us with an everlasting love and nothing can ever change that.
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