God then brought a particular promise to mind...
A little over a year ago I was listening to Kari Jobe in my quiet time and I was meditating on the lyrics to her song, "Beautiful". The chorus says:
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me
I began to sing these words over and over and just express to the Lord how beautiful He was to me. And then I thought, 'beautiful'? Most commonly, beautiful is a word used to describe something that is physically attractive, but I have never physically seen God. But I HAVE seen His works and His hand upon my life and I've heard His voice and I know His character and His love for me...that's what makes Him beautiful to me. Personality, character and actions are far more beautiful than anything physical, physical things never last. I smiled at this thought and told Him again how beautiful He was and began to write down my thoughts, then He said: "Rachel, this is how I see you", tears! Streaming down my face! Lots of them! As I wrote down what He was telling me, I began to realize how my heavenly father saw me and it wasn't exactly how I saw myself. This was another turning point in my identity and it changed the way I saw myself and what I thought of myself.
As I gazed in awe of the rainbow today, I decided to pull out my journal and read everything I wrote that evening and something jumped out at me. Something else He told me that night was that my future husband would be able to see me the way God sees me. At first I thought, why did I write that? Why did he say THAT to me? But today I realized why.
I'm not in a relationship and I haven't been for a while but over the past 3 years or so I have kind of been developing a fear of marriage. Only because I am constantly surrounded by people who's marriages didn't work, who 'fell out of love', who 'lost their connection, their spark' and for some reason they just aren't enough for each other anymore. I see people who are either divorced or staying in a lifeless marriage, both seem miserable. That is what I'm scared of! Marriage is a lifetime commitment and I'm scared that I won't be enough for some person to want to make a life long promise and actually work at keeping that promise. BUT, my future husband will see me through God's eyes! Our God is constant, He is the same in the past, present and future. That is more than a lifetime. And if my future husband can see the things God sees, I will always be enough!
We are God's perfect bride, He chose us and He will always love us with an unconditional love. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than that! I have to constantly remind myself that the God of the universe, my heavenly father, looks down on me and calls me beautiful, He says I'm enough. That's worth more to me than what I see in the mirror and it will last longer, too!!!
My darling, you are so beautiful!
Oh, you are beautiful!
-Song of Solomon 4:1
It's kind of funny how one minute I'm driving in this storm and not one hour later, I was gazing at His beauty in the sky! He makes all things beautiful! And no matter what kind of storm you have been through or if you're in one right now! He can turn it around in an instant and make it something beautiful! This song by Gungor is a great reminder of this:
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
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