Most of you know, I had the opportunity to go to a women's conference at Gateway Church last week. Let me just tell you, it was AMAZING!! I went to conference expectant and so ready for God to do whatever He wanted in me and my life and I came back with 10 times that!! This season of my life has been a very dry, desert season and it has been hard to keep my head up and my faith strong. To be honest, there were a few times where I just broke down because I couldn't stay strong, but He is always faithful!!
In addition to the powerful worship, amazing speakers and the encouraging testimonies, we had a time of freedom ministry. They gave us some time to go and receive freedom and healing in any area that was in bondage and needed to be released. After some prompting from the Holy Spirit, I finally went to "healing rooms" as they call them. I signed up and they sent me to a "soaking room" where they had worship and communion while we waited to speak with a pastor. As I sat in the corner, writing and praying, a lady came over and laid her hand on me and quietly asked if she could pray for me. I said yes and she began to pray a generic prayer of blessing and encouragement. Then, all of the sudden she began to pray out loud the very words I have been praying for months! As she laid her hands on me I just started crying and she began to pray harder. I couldn't believe that she was praying the exact things that were in my mind and on my heat! Once she was done I thought, "I don't need freedom anymore". (Not really!) Shortly after that my name was called and I walked down the hall with one of the freedom pastors, she took me to quiet room and we sat down across from each other and she asked me what area I needed healing in. As I gave her a very simple and surface answer, she looked at me and began to ask me questions. As she asked me a few simple questions, I could see things beginning to surface. Things I didn't even know were issues. As God began to root out the things that were keeping me from being completely healed, I felt completely exposed to this lady sitting across from me. I felt like I had just laid my whole mess of a life in front of her and she could see it all sitting there in broad day light. Let me tell you right now, I don't like that feeling. I don't like to let anyone know my weakness or short comings. I would prefer to put on a front and appear "put together" on the outside but as the Bible says:
"For nothing is concealed that won’t be revealed, and nothing hidden that won’t be made known and come to light." -Luke 8:17
and God seems to constantly be reminding me of that. As these things began to be exposed, God brought some particular memories to mind. He reminded me of all the times I had been criticized and rejected by others. He reminded me of times even when I was very young and I would get made fun for little reasons but I always took everything that was said about me as truth. I don't ever remember being upset about it or crying over it or letting it get to the point where I would get angry. I always just received everything as truth and started to believe those things about myself. As I got older, obviously I had a warped self-image and it effected my relationships especially with my family. I began to compare myself to everyone around me and I always seemed to fall short of the standards or expectations that I put on myself. I began to believe that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, tall enough, nice enough or strong enough. All of these things built up inside me head and as things would happen and I would get a bad grade or have to retake a class or someone decided they didn't want to be my friend, I could always trace it back to some area where I didn't measure up. Let me tell you, that is how the enemy lies to us! I guess I went on with this twisted way of thinking about myself and as I got into college, the criticism and rejection didn't come from others as much as it came from myself!!
Once I was able to get those things out and lay them down, God completely healed me from them...just like that!! How crazy that the things the devil takes YEARS to build up inside of us, Jesus can heal in a few minutes.
God is our healer and if you allow Him, He will heal you from ALL your hurts and pain whether it's emotional or mental or physical or whatever it may be!
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