BEAUTY for ASHES

Moving to Lubbock and being in a new place and not knowing anyone has brought memories of the first time I made a huge move away from home and my friends.  I was already at a place in my life where EVERYTHING was changing.  I had just left a long-term relationship, re-dedicated my life to God, moved back home, graduated college and got a "grown-up" job.  Talk about stress!!! And on top of all that, I was moving over 700 miles away to a place I had never been.  It was exciting at first, of course!  I thought, "I'm officially an adult".  I was completely on my own and had all the independence I could ever want...that lasted exactly 3 days...then I cried.  I cried myself to sleep almost every night for months, I was so overwhelmed and stressed and just sad.  At that point I was still struggling with so much pain and sadness from recent struggles and things that I had gone through that were just so overwhelming for me.  The thing was, I knew that I was led by God to Dallas and that I was exactly where He wanted me at the point but I still struggled with pain from my past.  It was a hard, long few months and I didn't really know what to do.  I just felt so overwhelmed and I felt better when I could just lay in bed and cry.

Finally, one evening as I was laying in bed and just crying and praying, I told God that I couldn't do it anymore and that I needed Him to take this sadness and pain because I could not bear it.  Now, I wish I could say that the next morning I woke up and I was a changed person, but I wasn't.  It was a process of constantly surrendering to Him and giving Him my struggles and pain.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."  -1 Peter 5:6-7

I had actually experienced the meaning of this verse in 1 Peter and learned what it means to actually give Him my struggles and fears so that He can "exalt" me.  In other words, so that He can pick me up off the floor and give me an unexplainable joy that is a testimony to Him.

"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  -Isaiah 61:2b-3

As I was coming out of this season and growing in Him, the biggest question I always had was "Why?".  I know obviously I had made some bad choices that led to pain and struggle.  But, why?  Why couldn't He have turned the situation around before I went through some of the things I went through.  Why did it have to go that far and why did it have to hurt that bad?  Why did the wounds have to be that deep that I felt at times that it would never go away?  One of my favorite songs by Matthew West is called "Strong Enough" and part of it says:

"You must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through, well forgive me if I'm wrong but this looks like more than I can do on my own...Well maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up, cause when I'm finally at rock bottom, that's when I start looking up and reaching out...I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, so I don't have to be strong enough.

Through all of this, I have learned so much and I have grown a lot.  God has revealed to me and shown me so much that I have never seen or realized before.  First, He has showed me that I can never do anything on my own, that I need Him every moment of everyday and that with Him I can do ANYTHING.  He has showed me that when I find joy in Him, that is my strength to make it through the hard times and the struggles.  And lastly, He answered all my "why" questions with this verse: 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."                                -2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Our God is so big and so good that He has so many reasons for everything and works in mysterious ways.  We will NEVER know exactly why something happens or why we are going through what we are going through but the good news is that He wants to comfort us thorough it and then He wants us to to comfort others through similar things so we can spread His love and be a testimony to Him.  This verse was enough for me to realize that even IF the only reason I went through the struggles and pain that I went through was to some day comfort someone else through the same thing and it would bring glory to my father and bring one more person closer to Him, that would be ok with me!!

I hear this quote all the time and I love it: "GOD NEVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY, BUT HE SAID IT WOULD BE WORTH IT!"  This sums it up perfectly, because it isn't easy, it's a struggle but looking back, it was SO WORTH IT!  I'm where I am today because of it all.  When I look back on it all, I see that God was right there with me the entire time, I was just so wrapped up in selfishness to see it.

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

-MATT REDMAN

Now that I have traded my ashes for BEAUTY and my mourning for JOY, I can be all He has called me to be and do all He has called me to do and walk with Him each day, a walking testimony of His goodness and faithfulness.